lala~

i'm going to change so much you'll never recognise me :)
i'll stop laughing!
and stop talking> so much:)
and i'll be super super kind!!

cid sucks!>.<

加油:)

life's so weird.

today as i was walking home from training i asked myself,
why am i living in this world? what was i meant to do?
i know i'm like supposed to make God proud, but have i?
i feel like a failure. oh wait, i AM a failure.

你知道吗，生活像一条路，
每次路上出现什么问题或难以登过的大山，
我们都要想尽办法克服困难，
但有时当你爬过一个大山后，
你发现前面还有很多大山等你登上。
在那时你有没有想过要放弃？

i tried really, i tried really hard.
i'm not anything good, don't trust me,
i ain't good enough for you to trust me.
i really wish time would stop and wait for me to catch up.

this year i wanted to do well in all my tests and i promised to study for them.
i studied, but what did i get? poor results?
my maths statistics test, my how scientist works test,
how did i fair? badly, below average.
and that chinese test? i sat back relack and took the paper,
NO STUDYING! how did i fair? better then what i had last year, MUCH better.
what is all these things telling me?
oh you should slack more, you do better anyway...

it's the same with badminton,
that's why i feel like giving up.
everytime i set myself to do better,
i trained extremly hard, doing pushups everyday, how did i fair?
i lob LOUSILY. my badminton sucks.
then i tell myself to train harder for coach,
then i start to hate coach...
when i tell myself to train harder for the girls,
i look around me and realise no one really cares/:
i only have that much determination.

我不要这种的生活，
我要个充满爱的生活
我不想斗下去了，我想坐在大山下看风景，
享受人生。我想在我自己的速度走自己的路
但这个社会会让我那么做吗？

everybody's moving on with life in such a speed that i'll never catch up.
everybody's improving so much, i may never catch up with them.
i was never good at catching up i will never be.

talking with wanyi today made me realise something,
life never waits for you.
you have to be like武则天if you ever want to succed in life,
you'll have to prove that you are better then others to stay in competition.
though i don't want to accept this fact,
i know that eventually i'll have to face up with this fact
and continue life...but please give me more time.....
i need more time

我会变成以前一样, 那对人生充满希望的孩子，
我不会往后看了，我只会往前看.
我会变成以前一样那对人生充满希望的孩子，
我不会往后看了，我只会往前看
请相信我。当我把心里的不解处理好以前，请相信我。

dixun,wanyi, brenda, shirlynn, kathy, janice, jasmine
please believe me, i'll improve and train hard no matter whether i have the passion anot,
i'll do it for the sake of God, for the sake of you guys, and for the sake of myself.

我会克服眼前所有的山的，因为我是刘淑娴，而刘淑娴是不会放弃的！

that's one thing of my heart (:
feel better liaos (:

FREAK SHIT!

我没事了(：
幸好！

今天因为不舒服而没有去羽毛球训练
刚才dixun 打电话叫我们那些没去training的人明天早上去见mrschan/:
而那些有好理由的人今天要打通电话给她。
FREAK SHIT!?!

刚才janice打电话给她，
她骂了janice 20 分钟！！
笑掉。。。

幸好我打电话给她只跟我讲下次生病要那MC给他，
这一年下来不可以用不舒服来当借口不出席TRAINING了。
she talked to me for a total of 2 mins!! 10times lesser then janice's :)
幸好(：(：

whatever lor...
i don't really give a shit >.<
badminton is nothing but a cca to me lor.
wth lor. SHIT the ohsokind shereen just dumped me with the freaking tamil!
FREAKK?! 1 more hr to complete it...
>.< jiayous

从今天起我要用华文来博刻，

no larh just joking!
how can i blog in chinese??!!
my chinese so lan can!!!

在这2007年，妈妈吩咐我和姐姐每天起床的时候都要整理床。
从小到大都没整理过床的我们怎么能习惯再次整理床呢？
起初我们因为怕妈妈骂所以每天都整理床，
但日子久了， 我们就没整理床了。
虽然我们有时会整理床但大多数是不会整理的。

我们知道妈妈叫我们整理自己的床的原因(要我们独立)
但我们却因为懒惰而不那么做。
我们可以每天埋怨父母们为什么给我们的零用钱那么少，
但我们要问自己为什么你不要自己去赚？
我今年已经14 岁，我还那么依靠父母，我到底要几时成熟？

我虽然要成熟，但父母们却一直要我陪伴他们，
我真的不懂他们，
一边是要我们成熟另一边却要我们陪在他们身边做乖巧的好孩子
成熟到底是什么？

happy(:
yesterday went popular
then saw this reallyreally shuaiguy(:
>.< poops!

你生活里有没有爱？

天使：你怕你生活没有爱吗？
我：我生活早有爱。
天使：你爱不爱他？

*犹豫了很长恨长一段时间*

我：我爱他，我真的很爱很爱他

*哭泣声*

我在梦里被这段对话感动着，
这句话让我发现我多么爱他。
神我是多么多么地爱你。
在我最需要你的时候，
你永远陪伴这我，
听我哭泣听我诉苦。
当所有人抛弃了我，
你还陪伴这我。
当所有人 都排斥我，
我只可以相信你会陪伴这我。
当我变成一个大笨猪，不把别人放在眼里时，
只有你会包容我的野蛮行为。

你这些年来都对我那么好但我呢？
我只会激怒你，做你吩咐我们不要做的事。
我那么不听话，但你还是那么爱我，那是为什么？

我承认有一段时间，我十分恨你，
因为我觉得你给我了一个很不幸运的一生
但当我在埋怨你的，时候你还一直陪伴这我照顾这我，
我今天要感谢你那么爱我那照顾我。

谢谢你。

ok i feel very depressed ):
i really don't want to think about what happened today.
gosh. i wish i have someone to talk to now.
but wait no one trusts me, no one i can trust ):
cause i'm such an idiotic big mouth you see.

nevermind.

i feel really pissed off when people ask me why i'm depressed.
LALALAND~i really wish i was there now,
then i'll be a retard with no complains and anything
i wish to be really really dumb, then i won't be so idiotic,
RAWR!! ARHHH!! i not making sense, am i?

don't ever tell me anything.
don't talk to me. i don't deserve anything.
gosh i really wish i can disappear into thin air.
whatever. just shut up gayle.

today i was mostly deluding myself,
thinking that i was happy, whatever.
i'm such an idiot. gosh.
self-training sucks, should have been smart and went home.
wanted to tell her so much, whatever.
don't really care liaos.

ok this such an emo post.
wth. gosh just let me emo this once.

today all the boring lessons,
then when all the interesting lessons?
nobody was around to talk to me.
whatever, don't think they wanna talk to me anymore.

after school, really hoped everything will be better.
wanted someone to talk to, really did, where were you?
whatever larh don't wanna think bout it.
should have gone home in solititude after school.

badminton is nothing but a cca to me.
i really don't feel like training anymore,
i'm don't feel like going for training, whocares.
don't go larh, anyway i don't really care about the stupid bmt anymore.
don't think anyone truely wants to train except for dixun and 1e,
and practically everybody else is dead/:

do you think i want to be this way?
everytime i set my heart in improving what did everyone do?
give me more freaking pressure?!
WTH! i don't like competing ok?! are you really into making ourselves kill each other??!
everthing is so self based! gawd! you are FORCING us to improve.
i don't want this kind of life, i want out.

then later at bukit gombak after everything.
she dropped me a bomb.
i really don't know what to do,
it's all my fault, me and my ohsobigmouth
haiix all can do is ask for your forgiveness.
really don't know how to explain.
gawd.

i hate this life.

really really really sorry.

woots! i'm blogging finally (:

i hate school ): it's so BORING!
provide me some entertainment!

gosh. i wish it was the CNY holidays again(:
then i can play/eat, play/eat, play/eat all day long!
i really wanna play snooker, soccer and bmt with my cousins.
ok whatever. 2007 CNY's over, time to get on with life.
*groans*

OK. yesterday was so SLACK!
the teachers were still in the holiday mood i guess.
then today....WHAM!/: the homework comes in!>.<
gosh! the test are starting up again):
then 9th march meet the parents.
GOSH! i must be really really guai till then!

hahas anyways today was boring ):
except for recess (:

thanks HC (: (: hahas go sher's blog,
i'm sure she wrote about it.
LALALAND>.<

=.=

LOLS!
anyways no training this week! WHIPPY!
coach si diao le (shirlynn) :D i like the phrase!
he actually went to so WEIRD country.
...hope he never comes back.

wishing all a HAPPY CNY (:
too lazy to type out CNY

yay! 2nd day of chinese new year! :D

*in love*

ok i'm really getting into the festive period (:
i am slacking now! cause nothing to do liaos :S

anws.

yeterday, i woke up like freaking early to go to church!
then today wake up super late XD.
and later my cousins are coming over for dinner!
WARHAHAHAS:D!
play some more!

i seriously watched ALOT of television this holiday lor!
i practically watch 5hrs non-stop one :]
say i'm pro! :D
and i eat so much that i think i put on ALOT of weight!
now i got a sore throat! *groans*
and i ate so much pinapple tarts and bakua that i am officially sick of them!
now i love honey holes :D

feel very zi high now :D

a break from BMT :)
a break from HW:)
a break from SCHOOL:)

i don't think i'll be able to get used to studying like before again. POOPS!
haiix but i think i'll have to fit in no matter what D:

SHEESH.
i don't get what i'm talking about.
lalalalala~

HONEY HOLES :)

see i changed my blog skin to a BRIGHTER colour just for CNY :D
i am really into it now!~

i don't really want to blog now larh.
cause my cousins are downstairs!
and i am getting really really excited :D

urm anws yesterday was the day before the day before chinese new year,
and i went back to NHPS !:D
saw alot of people :D
i think i blog about that day another time cause i feel like blogging about CNY now!

i really can't wait for all the ANGPOWS XD
and the pineapple tarts! and the ba kua!!
OMG getting really excited!
i really hope this year will have more angpows!!
really don't think i will be blogging anymore this CNY cause i will be bust PLAYING :D:D:D

i really don't get why people don't want to celebrate CNY~!
anws i gotto help my dad put in all the money in the AP before the rest of the family come!

WISHING EVERYONE A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

CNY! i love cny!

happy birthday jiali :D
your the best chair in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD :D

anws i am kinda feeling dead now D:

hahas but yesterday was really really FUN :D
gor SHER's blog for details :D.

anws.
these are my favourite pressents :D

my PINEAPPLE from HC!
(sher it rawks so much more then yours :D)

my NEOS from sher SO MUCH FUN!

and the beloved bookmark from yifei :D thanks i really do love u u noe :D

HARTS I THINK I GTG CAUSE MY MUMS HOME!!

i feel so happy today!:D

HYPER-ER-EST :D

nice word!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANICE!!! :D
hope you get many valentines (:

so many festivities in one week!

OMG.it's gonna be such a fun week :)

yay! yay! yay!

12/2- janice's birthday :D :D :D ~

13/2- POO! checking of thermometers D:

14/2- *[valentines day <3~]*

15/2- POO! GST rise/ temperature taking day

16/2- going back nanhua:D ~

17/2- chinese new year eve!

18/2- CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!

yay! yay! yay!

5 days of celebration ALL in a week!
(only 2days of NON celabrating days)

HAPPY(: HAPPY(: HAPPY(:

i got everyone valentines day ssents!!!
i wrappedtoday!
is nice lor!
MADE ME BROKE D:
you all better like it!!!!'

and i can't wait to see my cousins
and eat all the pineapple tarts
and ba kua

I LOVE CNY!

we wish u a happy BIRTHDAY

we wish u a happy CHINESE new year

and a happy VALENTINES day

oh yar!

i also want to show u the pictures i drew and photoshoped yesterday!

nice hor!

cause i draw one XD

i dunno what i am every one's having now D;

maybe valentines day blues?

everything/ everybody so depressed D:

Kathy,

oh dear Kathy,

don't be sad anymore.
i am really bad at cheering people up D:
you're such a GOOD DEAR FRIEND!
and it really really pains me to see you so hurt.
I'm sorry i can't really comfort you,
but i will always be there for you.

don't feel dejected,
i know it's hard but try not to be,
i know i sound irritating and Nagy
but i know you are really down today.

cheer ups :D

they don't really mean it.

i really have no mood to blog about anything anymore/:

actually today i was kinda sad about EVERYTHING,
what with maths doing really badly
and forgetting how to draw a summary table.

but how can i be sad about anything when
Kathy had a much worst day then mine.
sometimes i really feel that i am really self centred.

Gayle, you can't stop being so self centred, can you?!

i admit today i was pissed with many people cause they were SO uncaring.

but.

i really don't know what to do anymore.
i really hate myself for not being able to cheer Kathy up.
i feel really really useless.

i can't help her with anything,
i only can say cheer up to her D:
i really really don't know what to do anymore.

I'm such a hopeless friend.


ARH.

and now i really really feel that bmt is just a CCA to me.
there's no more passion.
no more motivation.
it's like half of me wants to train harder,
half of me wants to quit.
then it's like i feel exactly like shirlynn.
and i also don't want to get close to the juniors anymore.
I'll just get hurt.

badminton it's nothing but a cca to me.

ARH.

then it's like i thought i didn't like him anymore.
i really really did.
i totally want to forget him.
but i can't.

you think it's fun having one sided love?
and all u do is stare at the person and prays he notices u?
and u clearly knows that he like someone else,
but u just keep giving yourself false hope.

i really going to give up.
i dun want to suffer and die under this.

FON.

i feel really lousy.

KATHY please cheer ups.
i really hate to see you so upset.
if you are really really sad you can tell me,

i'll lend u my shoulder to cry on,
i'll lend u my ears to shout to,
i'll lend u my heart to soften,
i'll lend u my all so as u are able to feel better.
i'll be there for you forever .
i love u too.

( don't worry i love u as a friend XD )

RAWR!

( definetion of rawr: "ARHHHHH" in a more civilised way )

so many things happening now /:

poops larhh.

stupid freaking HSW test tomorrow D: D: D:

and my deardear juniors didn't get into BMT??!!

wart the lor D:

cause one thought she kicked out!!!

and the other got cope diao by the TRACK!!!

WTH.

stupid!

poops larh.

RAWR.

POOP-ED

i feel like poop-ing!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

really really hyper today.

also don't know why.

then suddenly i started to feel poopy D:



poop.

i am poopy now D:

LOLS.

today had NO swimming.

cause the bus came too late O.o

but it was a good thing lar cause i had THAT thing

and i didn't BLEED in the pool

poops :D


MATHS PAPER!


don't know 'bout the maths paper lo.

it's like some hard some easy lor.

so i guess it's OK .

hahahas :D

then we had training,

alicia the drop FREAKING pro can!!!

drop so mei2 [=

okok lor.

mine is still POOPY ]=

but Alicia taught me alot of things.

she taught me about narrative writing and personal too!

THANKS :D



POOPS :D :D

poops!

poops, it's such a nice word!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D


as you can see i am having a SUPER dooper weird mood swing.

cause i was like REALLY uber depressed yesterday.

kinda excited cause i am really really really happy

but i don't know why i am happy!


:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

but then again,

what's wrong with BMT ??!!

i really totally don't get it,

why in the world do we need to cover our rackets??!!

i mean like it's not like we want to show off our BEAUTIFUL (yellow) rackets

ok whatever, it's just stupid to me.

POOPS!

and i haven't even bought my skipping rope!

POOPS!

and i already lost my interest in reflecting cause

i can't be bothered

and DON'T want to

let coach read it.

POOPY POOPS!!!!

rawr! so many things to tell you lor!

like on how i am NOT studying for my tests
and freaking out this instant i'm typing,

and how i'm contemplating on whether to
swim or not to swim
cause i have THAT thing.

and now i'm PMS-ing :D :D :D

and on how i have already given up on HIM :D
and suddenly i feel so feel to be single again :D

so poopy day!!!!!!!!!

awww man!

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!!!

LA LA LA ~

i don't know whats wrong with me. seriously.

the world is like so screwed up.

screwed up. screw you.

LA LA LA ~


i promise NEVER ever to cry for coach anymore.

NEVER EVER.


LA LA LA ~

i feel really really like giving up.

nothing really interests me anymore.

i just feel that no matter how hard i fight for it. it's not there.

the emptiness. loner.

i am really sick (and tired) of fighting for stuff.

i don't have the drive anymore.

D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D:

I didn't even play my best for friday.

i don't know why but i didn't.

i just LET them win.

thrashed.

i let down brenda.

D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: