RAWR! STAY OPTIMISTIC!
stay optimistic gayle.

i feel really don't know scared,
maybe that's how i always feel when i slack too much.

i blogging about this cause i really feel that
i need to sort my feelings for BMT out.
i want to know EXACTLY, what does BMT mean to me.
i guess i've been avioding this question way too many times.

what does BMT mean to me?

evil side:

it's just a freaking cca. why must we go and go for all the trainings?
so really presurising, you have to train uber super hard to be the cream of the crop.
when you slack off, even for awhile, people who you thought were lousier then you will like catch up, i guess i said all this before. but don't you understand?
i'm scared. i'm scared i don't perform as expected.
i'm scared i'll be the only one lagging behind.
i'm scared of everyones disapointed faces.
i'm scared the sec one's will over take me.
and it's like sometimes i really don't think competetive sports was for me/ is for me.

good side:

i don't want to lag behind. everytime when i made an achievement i feel the determination ( when i don't make the achievement, i feel dejected) i want to play my best, yet i still wanna slack and have other stuff to do. is there a way to balance them all out?

conclusion:

gayle you've got to stop thinking about other people's improvement, and stop treating every one like an enemy, a person you must beat, remember we all are a team, we will train hard together and improve together, focus on your own improvement, put in your utmost effort and you'll everntually improve, if once you don't succed try. try again, if u still can't succed, give up, don't be a fool about it. so you must try thousands of millions of times before you can give up. giving up is not gayle's style... REMEMBER AARON

what do i want to acheive by the end of this year?

can lob quite far.
strokes to be more proper.
foot work inplace.

what must i do to achieve this?

TRAIN HARDER!